He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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