Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
