He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
