Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
