i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
