I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
