he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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