it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
