mondays should just be called national damage control day
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
