im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
