Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
