yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
