I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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