i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I love having hate sex.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
