a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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