Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
then he tried to convert me to islam
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize