She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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