I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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