Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
wow bdsm is so cute
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
