I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize