dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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