I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you win again, gameday.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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