yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
