i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
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