I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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