on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
