i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
