So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
