am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
