I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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