i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I will be naked everywhere
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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