It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
