Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
