were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I will be naked everywhere
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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