whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
