Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
