it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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