i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
