I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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