there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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