Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize