Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
