I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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