wrigley field is MILF paradise
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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