found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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