That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i think i have two assholes
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
