She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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