she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
