My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
