So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
