i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The struggles of a small town man whore
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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