I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
