i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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