3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
