dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
