I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
