Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
