VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize