i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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