I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
