I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
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