I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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