My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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