I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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