The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
