nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
