he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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