It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
