They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
PANTIES FOUND
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
