toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize